Today’s post is going to be different than what I usually share. It’s something very personal and something that not many people like to talk about, but about 7.4 million women battle this every day. I will be sharing our infertility story.
If it’s something you don’t want to read…it’s okay, I understand. Now…fair warning, this is a lengthy post…so grab a cup of coffee and get comfy.
Let’s backtrack a bit…my husband and I married on March 12, 2011. Before getting married, we had talked about having kids and we both knew we wanted to wait a few months before trying. We wanted to enjoy being newlyweds. So in January of 2012, we decided it was time! Months went by and nothing was happening, so in August when I had my annual OB appointment, I talked to my doctor. She did some blood work, everything came back normal, so she wasn’t concerned and told me to give it a few more months…
A year later…still no baby. So back to my OB I go! Since it had been almost 2 years and all of my lab work came back good the second time around, she gave us the option of trying a few rounds of Clomid with her, or seeing a specialist. At this point I was getting inpatient, so we decided to see a specialist.
Since the specialist we wanted to see had a year long wait list, we went with a different doctor, who works with her. We were able to be scheduled in February of 2014…more waiting. Our first appointment was LONG and I had SO much testing done. He called me back a week later and said everything was great and we should start with Clomid, as well as a couple of shots…which resulted in a negative pregnancy test.
We returned a week later, to talk about options and to get my husbands lab results, unfortunately, my husbands results weren’t the best, his count was lower than normal…so, our doctor diagnosed us with Male Factor Infertility. Our only chances of conceiving at this point were by doing IVF with ICSI.
We gathered ourselves and decided we would start treatments! In September of 2014, we started our first IVF cycle…and we were also in the process of moving to a different town–talk about stressful! Everything went well during my cycle though, our doctor was able to retrieve 13 eggs, 7 of them fertilized, grew and matured to be our embabies! We couldn’t be happier! Our doctor wanted to continue with a fresh transfer, so we transferred 2 of our best embryos….I was officially pregnant until proven otherwise! But let me tell you, the two week wait was the longest 2 weeks of my life…EVER! I was over analyzing myself and spent too much time researching early pregnancy symptoms and the stages of implantation. If I felt the slightest cramp, I would panic and run to the bathroom. Any type of unknown pain would worry me. I was a mess. On my birthday I went in for the pregnancy blood test…unfortunately, it was negative. I was so hopeful that this would be it, but I was crushed…you can imagine how hard that was.
In November, we decided to do a Frozen Embryo Transfer. We transferred 2 more embryos…this time around, I decided to stay away from the internet. I tried to not stress or overthink things. 2 weeks later, we have a positive pregnancy test! The first we’ve ever had! BUT…my levels were lower than normal…so they wanted me to go back in a couple of days to see if the numbers went up or down. Unfortunately, they lowered and I had a very early miscarriage.
Since the holidays were right around the corner, we decided to wait a couple of months. My doctor was on board and said that my body needed time to get back to normal after so many hormones and medication anyway. Fast forward to February 2015, we had our last transfer. We had 3 embryos left and made the decision to transfer all 3! Unfortunately one of them didn’t survive the thawing process, so we transferred 2 embabies.
Two weeks later, we got the call…I was a nervous wreck, and the first words out of my nurses mouth were…”congratulations, it’s positive! You are pregnant!” I was shocked…I couldn’t believe it! She also mentioned that the level was a little lower than what they wanted, but nothing too bad. I went in 2 days later, and my levels doubled…exactly what they want to see with a healthy pregnancy. 2 days after that…they doubled again!
I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and the doctor saw 2 sacs…TWINS! Both babies made it! After so many months of disappointment and heartache, we were finally pregnant with 2 babies! We were over the moon with happiness! Over the next few weeks my blood work continued to go up how they expected it to.
Fast forward to our 12 week checkup…we were going to listen to our babies heartbeats…but it was too late…we had lost our sweet babies. I was speechless and remember just staring at the ultrasound screen praying for a miracle. The ultrasound tech wanted to show the scans to the doctor so I got dressed and waited. Somehow someone didn’t inform the nurse about our scan and she walked in so happy with a ‘new mom kit.’ She went on about what medicine to avoid, etc…and I finally lost it, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I remember everything like it was yesterday…I remember the sadness, the pain, the tears…the I can’t breathe feeling. Why was this happening to us? Why after so many years of pain, were we going through even more pain!
There’s nothing worse than walking into your doctor’s office with so much joy and happiness only to walk out heartbroken and shattered.
April 15, 2015 I went in for a D&C. Since I was so far along, it was better for me to have surgery…it was awful. I hated every single minute of it! Soon after I went through a roller coaster of emotions. I went from being heartbroken, angry, lost, depressed…my husband was the strong one, he held it together for the both of us.
After a couple of months, we decided it was time to find a new doctor. (LONG STORY) So we did and immediately began the process for our second round of IVF with ICSI. Alas, we ended up with yet another negative pregnancy test. I had some complications after our egg retrieval and even after the transfer, so here we are, almost a year later and don’t know where our journey will go next, but one things for sure…we will NOT give up!
So why am I sharing our story?
- Trust me, it’s not for sympathy or pity and it’s definitely not for attention. I’m sharing this because there are SO many couples (1 in 8) that struggle with infertility and have a hard time talking about it. I want people to know that it’s OKAY to talk about infertility, it’s OKAY to start asking. You are not alone.
- Because I want to help anyone who is going through this…all of this will be so worth it if I can provide hope for one person, if I can help them break free from suffering in silence.
- Because after all of the pain and tears, there is still hope. My faith has grown so much more in the last couple of years and it’s all thanks to our journey…and for that, I am extremely thankful. And I pray that anyone who is going through the same, finds hope and faith as well.
- Also, I have realized that this week alone I have opened up so much more about infertility and that has been my absolute favorite part about all of this. I’m so thankful for all of the wonderful bloggers who have been so encouraging!
- And lastly…if you know someone who is going through this, be there for them, ask questions, pray for them, listen, or just be a shoulder that they can cry on. They need your support now more than ever.
Thank you so much for reading, I hope that this has touched you and perhaps you have learned something along the way. Unfortunately, our journey hasn’t ended, we don’t know where the road will take us next and we don’t know when God will bless us with a baby, but until then, we will keep praying for our little miracle baby.
Linking up with Caroline from In Due Time!
If you would like to read a bit more, check out my Infertility blog…I don’t update it that often since this blog and my YouTube keep me pretty busy. But I do plan to eventually merge the two blogs together. Don’t worry…I won’t flood you with infertility posts. I only plan to share updates and perhaps transfer the posts from the other blog to this one slowly…so if you are an infertility blogger, I’d love for you to stick around and share your story with me. If you have any questions at all, feel free to email me…if you just want someone to talk to, I’m here…remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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